Friday, April 13, 2012

A Little Perspective...

As some of you may know, life has been a bit rough lately. I thought I might try and explain some...Ok, to air my dirty laundry, here goes...

I struggle from bi-polar, migraines, and have multiple herniated discs in my back. I was out on a medical leave from my job for trying to get my self straightened out (whatever that may be) when my husband of only 6 months, got in an industrial accident and nearly died! He was/is a welder and had been working for the union and kept getting laid off due to our lovely economy. So we decided that it might be best if he left the union and find just a regular welding job; so he found a structural job. Then in June, we went through a level of hell that we didnt know existed! Jason (my husband) fell off a second story building head first onto concrete. He had to be air lifted to the University of Utah Trauma center where they discovered he had broken his neck, tore his vertebral artery, and sustained multiple brain injuries and damages. He was in a coma for about a month and in the hospital for just over 6 weeks. Then we had months and months of all kinds of different therapies. We have been receiving workmans compensation and thank god that we did cuz we wouldnt have survived if not. But now, we are so behind that our mortgage company refuses to help us because Jasons prognosis is unknown (apparently every brain injury is unique to every individual and there is no way to know if he can or will ever work again and if so, at what capacity).

So this past few weeks have been a living hell because I have no one to talk to or vent to as no one understands. Jason barely says a word to me ever, like we have 2-3 conversations, i mean sentences, per day, if that. He is so miserable and I feel completely at a loss as to how to help him. I've tried to get him interested in so many things and nothing is working. I started this blog as a way to help me find motivation and a life worth living again cuz I figure if Im happier then maybe that would help him. But with this whole foreclosure looming over my head, and all the stress and pain I myself am going through, I made some stupid mistakes this past week and took a bunch of pills. Of course I know that that was a HORRIBLE idea and God doesnt forgive suicide and I regret it, but I still dont feel any better. So we have like one month to come up with $8000 or we have to move out and be homeless. So is it any wonder that I feel lost and guilty and dont know what to do? I feel like everything is completely my fault (and the families are kinda leaning toward those same feelings i think) and there is no way out. But they are trying their best to help us in whatever manner they can which is awesome. But still $8000 seems quite overwhelming!

Have I complained enough yet?!? I just need somewhere to talk so this is it! And I think that this is why I took to doing a blog so much cuz its fun and exciting and I get to play with pretty colors and fun designs and somehow, no matter how trivial it may seem to everyone I know, it makes me feel somehow pretty and like I have some kind of purpose again. And this is probably the last time I am going to go off on this long tangent. I just thought that maybe a little perspective into why I say certain things sometimes may help make sense. And what better way for you to get to know me than for me to just blurt it out and tell all my dirty little secrets right?!?

So there it is, a little perspective...

Hope I didnt bore you all and turn you against reading my blog cuz that was never my intention. I really just needed to vent. And hey if anyone has any ideas on help with foreclosure I would certainly be appreciative to anything you might have to help us out. And of course if there are any millionaires who just cant figure out where to spend their money, I could def help you out there, lol.

So next time will be a post about nails and beauty or crafts, not this emotional shit I promise!

Again, thanks for reading, esp if you made it all the way thru!

Talk to you soon!
M

4 comments:

  1. Melissa, I know it's not easy. I have been there and know how it is. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're not alone. It's hard not having anyone to talk to, even if you're in a relationship you can be so lonely if your partner doesn't talk to you. I know how it's like to wanting just 30 mins conversation even, it's not like you're asking for that much. It was like that with my ex and I. And the Bi-polar I know it's hard, my husband has had it for years and I see it first hand. I try my best to support him when the feels like hell for him or the days he really feels he's about to burst and is angry at random people. Risk loosing your home is so hard, we had the same problems a few years ago in AZ. And we lost the battle and had to move out, it was heart breaking. It was our dream home and I had painted and made a really nice room for Daniel. I hope it will work out for you and your husband and you can keep your home. But even tho some days seem really dark and are really hard to face, know that your not alone. And if you need someone to talk to, I am here.

    /hugs

    ReplyDelete
  2. Melissa, I am so sorry that life seems to be dealing you a bad hand...my mother always said that when God closes one door, he opens another. Hang in there, whatever the outcome on your home, I am certain things will work out for you....God Bless...Jackie

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah you guys are sooo sweet and positive and very supportive and that makes me feel very blessed to have met you! Thanks for you kind words; it really does make a difference!

    *Big Hugs*xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Melissa! I nominated you on my blog for the Versitle Blogger Award: http://nailsoup.cyber-soup.com/2012/04/versatile-blogger-award.html So excited! :D

    ReplyDelete

There was an error in this gadget
There was an error in this gadget